The biggest impact has been on her children. The secondary impact has been on her ex-husband. And, finally there is the fallout that affects those of us, such as myself, who watch, listen and try to be supportive of her children and ex-husband.
I decided to start this blog to share my experience. I’ve found that after six years, there has to be something wrong with “the diva”. And, by this, I mean that she has some sort of flaw of character or personality disorder.
I’ve observed her actions and have summarized them in key areas as follows:
- She intricately tells lies and tries to win the sympathy of anyone who will listen by telling people that she is a victim. She uses language that appeals to people’s sympathy, but then she switches into a bully and threatens you if you don't give her what she wants.
- Initially, she told people that she was a victim of verbal abuse. Recently, she has told people that her husband physically abused her.
- She takes advantage of people to achieve her own ends. She lacks genuine empathy for others and dismisses them when she does not get what she wants.
- She shows arrogant and haughty behaviours and has a sense of entitlement and self-importance that is not normal for someone who is 48 years old.
- She believes that she is special and unique and does not have to be accountable to the law or anyone around her.
- But, most importantly, anything that she does that does not work out, she blames on someone else. So, when she abandons her daughter at the footstep of her ex-husbands house, her child is devastated by this act. But, the diva does not accept accountability for her poor decision. She finds some illogical thread to blame her ex for her behavior. He’s at fault because he screwed me up, she says.
This is a story of hindsight. I’m hoping that if I outline the long list of her actions and the results of those actions, others might have the opportunity to learn from this situation and maybe avoid some of the pain and fallout.
I’m hoping that sharing this experience will help people to find compassion, understanding and fairness for all of those around them. This is particularly hard to do when the idea for most, during a divorce, is to win at whatever the expense. If people understood what the true cost was, they might have a different approach to divorce.
I’m motivated to tell this story for several reasons. The first reason is that the only thing that will hold “the diva” accountable is public opinion, as the courts have not been successfully able to do this. She is a wizard at changing direction to get what she wants. She switches court proceedings to get a new judge, she switches friends to gain support and empathy, and she leaves therapy before being held accountable.
The second reason is that I need an outlet to share my emotions and gain support and ideas to continue on this path.
The third reason is that I would like to develop a discussion about how to develop boundaries and help protect children and other innocent bystanders.
I don’t approach this topic with malice or ill will. I’m hoping it will be a document, as “the diva” is currently trying to re-write history. If her actions are documented, it will be more difficult to re-write.
I used to think that divorce was a “man vs. woman” battle, but I see now that it is a battle of personalities. If people in the battle do not know how to behave ethically and understand when to take the higher road, the emotional carnage around them is devastating. In other words, the most innocent – the children – are hurt in a way that may be impossible to repair.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment